Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Forever Fourteen

Why is it that I feel like I'm stuck with the same set of insecurities I faced as a young teenager?
  • Who are my friends?
  • Does this new person like me?
  • Will they be my friend?
  • Why doesn't anyone want to hang out with me?
  • What's up with my hair?!

There's this group of moms at Caitlin's school that I've seen and waved to since kindergarten, but since I'm always worn out with the twins, I've never had time/taken the time to get to know them. This year, since the twins are a lot more interested in hanging out after school and playing in the sandbox, I've taken the time.

You know, hang out and chat. And I think...I think...they might even like me! Today I even went on a walk with one, after drop off. It went well! The twins got to go on an hour long walk/ride and I got to talk to an actual adult during school hours.

Imagine that!

So what I want to know is this: is it really this hard to make new friends and click with people? Gah! Has nothing really changed inside since I was 14? I'm still worried about making and keeping friends. I still freak out (quietly) when they don't call me for weeks on end. I still wonder what I've done or said or should've done or said that would have kept someone my friend longer. I keep wondering if I'm ever going to get over this feeling that I just don't fit in.

Besides, how do I explain all of this to Caitlin? Do I really tell her it never really gets better? That she's going to spend the next 32 years wondering if they're talking about her once she leaves the room? Ack!

Is it just me? Do you ever stop feeling like the kid on the other side of the fence?

humpf. I bet your grass is greener, too.


Suburban Correspondent said...

A friend of mine once compared meeting other moms to dating - you size each other up, check out how the kids get along, etc. Isn't it fun? Generally, though, you fall in with a group of people you are comfortable with. It's easier now that you aren't so tethered by the babies. You'll find people, don't worry!

Nicole said...

Not just you. It's all of us, sadly.

I made friends quickly last year - but it was high school all over again. There was a ton of peer pressure to parent the same way and a lot of snottiness if I did it differently (ie waiting until the bell rang vs, dropping off and leaving). It really bothered me all year until I finally got the maturity to realize that we're all adults, we're just sending our kids to school, not joining an exclusive club and it doesn't matter what the cool kids think.

We switched schools this year because we moved to the other side of town. I have NOT made friends so much this yr bc it seems like there is an exclusive clique and I wasn't invited in. We walk every day and I get such grief about it. Basically people bother to talk to me to ask me when I'm going to drive. So, yeah - high school all over again - everyone feels the need to comment on the different kid. I really, reallyreallyreally miss my old friends.

I honestly feel like I'm about 14 and gangly and like everyone else is a sleek, polished senior. VERY SILLY since we're all freaking adults.

but I think this is the secret to growing up. Even my grandma feels like a little kid still.

Hang in there!

Woman with a Hatchet said...

SC: Dating, huh? Will I get hickeys?

Nicole: did you move into my side of town? Are you at C's school? I'D talk to you! : ) You definitely can't parent the way everyone else parents, that's just silly. I've already put my foot in my mouth re: religion with one mom. Apparently I couldn't help myself. Eek!

Good for you for walking to school! I bet if you hunt around you can find other walkers, too. Or maybe in the next grade level. It's gotta be even harder when yours is the new kid in class. Hang in there!

Missy said...

Ugh. It's tough. I have just recently started putting myself out there to make some new friends. I still worry after most encounters that I have somehow been grossly socially inept.

Maybe it is better when you are a senior citizen? Too old to care then?

I need to hold on to the idea that it will get easier someday I guess.

Glad to hear that you had a positive experience today! A good start!

ellen said...

I think it's harder as an adult to make new friends. I've always been rather comfortable socially (ok, I don't shut up) so meeting people, having acquaintances, isn't hard. Knowing if they want to be real friends is hard though. Little kids can walk up to another kid and just ask them to play. Instant friend for the day! I wish we could still do that.

If it's any consolation I think of you as a friend. Have fun making new friends... it takes time.

alessa said...

Hahahahahahahahahahhahahahha! I have moved I don't know how many times, both as a kid and an adult. It's the same crap every time, with making friends. I AM socially inept, I know that, I think too much and don't speak when I should or with the "right" comments, etc because I grew up in what was basically a 3rd world country which happens to be the rural part of the 49th state. It ain't ever gonna be easy making friends for me unless I happen to stumble upon other liberal gun nuts who also like the martial arts, photography, reading and the pups. Anyone in the Northern Neck of Virginia with those character traits, contact me.... "p

Cindy said...

Nope not alone,
Adult friendships are sometimes harder (I think) to forge.
I don't know why, you'd think as adults that it would be easier as we are all now wiser and more mature but alas, no.

Julie said...

I hear you! A colleague recently commented to me that she didn't like the Twilight Series that much because it was too filled with teenage angst and she couldn't relate. And all I could think was, "OMG, have some people really gotten past the teenage angst stage, because I'm pretty sure I haven't!!!"

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