Tuesday, November 25, 2008

To Get or Not Get

Our latest argument with Caitlin seems to revolve around food.

No, not what she's eating, but what the twins are eating. Caitlin, you see, is watching what we give the twins very carefully. She was actually counting the number of grapes we were giving them yesterday, very concerned that they Not Get more than she.

This is a problem.

There are only so many ways you can gently say, "Cut it out." before you wind up yelling it. The thing is, the twins don't get more food than she does, ever. They will often get fed before she does since she eats all the same things that we do and we eat late since we're busy cooking and feeding twins. This seems to have led to a power imbalance in her mind. They appear to Get while she does Not Get.


The funny thing is that I remember very well being jealous and angry with my little brother and sister when they would eat off my mother's plate or take food that she was making for herself. Not that I was jealous of the food they were eating, but the fact that they were sitting in her lap taking up all of her attention and that there was none left for me. I was Not Getting attention. They were. I remember distinctly saying they could get their own plate of food, but they preferred to stay ensconced in my mother's lap.

So I understand that it's about a lot more than just the food the twins are eating. I do. However, there's nothing to be done about the fact that the twins are here and they're going to take up a lot of attention.

Perhaps one day she will see that she Gets, just as much as they do.

I'm still left wanting more time in my mother's lap, though.


alessa said...

I hate to say it, but that jealously never really leaves. Maybe one day, as an adult, she'll cope. But between 7 and 27,
there are a lot of years to live through as her mother.

Ali said...

Okay, somebody needs to start paying people to parent. Because it is haaard. I have no advice, only sympathy and shared eyeball rolls.

Dawn said...

Well yah know, I want time in Mom's lap too....

Barring that, I've come to accept that there are things she will cook just for you, me Cindy or Ian when we visit or even better when she visits. Maybe you could consider a special occasion (Unbirthday?) and a special Caitlin only dish, with lap time?
And yes I know Caitlin has had 6 years of pre-twin/only child life... but as you may well remember we spent a lot of time in the fight, angst and misery that is living in the country of no-longer-the-center-of-attention.

And don't think the dish has to be anything frou-frou - after all your mom-dish was lasagna, mine was either date squares or ackee and salt fish. Of course if you must be frou-frou - didn't you used to take her to some place that served English tea complete with petit-fours and little sandwiches?

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Alessa: Argh!

Ali: Aren't those people called "nannies"? I've heard of them. I've even met a couple. They're a mythical beast, as far as I can tell unless you have the magical spell to summon them (Say: "Moola!" while waving around loads of cash.).

Dawn: Yeah, I could take her out for tea and then she'd spend 20 minutes telling me how she "didn't really WANT tea". There's no winning this, I swear! Right now, the twins are sleeping while we're eating, so things are calm and happy in Hatchetville. The tea is a good idea, though. Thanks!

alessa said...

So, did she measure the amount of turkey you stuffed into the twins at T-day dinner?

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