Did you know...

That my toaster oven comes with a "Requires Cleaning" light?

It sure does! I saw it today, when I was toasting some ciabatta bread to go with my clam chowder.

That light? Flames.

Three inches high.

Inside the toaster.

Flame broiling my ciabatta bread.

What's a Hatchet Woman to do in such a situation? Well, the first thing I did was open the door and watched the flames leap a little higher. Then I stood there madly blowing on them, a la candle blowing and wish-making, and thought several thoughts in rapid succession:

• This isn't going out. What else can I do? Water?
• Nah, that might make the heating element explode, possibly in my face.
• Fire extinquisher? Where is that thing? Under the sink? Upstairs?
  
• Salt? Yeah! Salt!
• Hey, maybe it's time to get the fancy new toaster oven! (There's my wish making.)

At that point, the 2nd of the two flames went out.

Somewhere in there I removed my bread so that it wasn't completely inedible. Blackened bread. Mmm-mmm!

What do you mean, Did you eat it? Of course I ate it! My toaster oven needs cleaning before I can toast bread again! Umm...which, of course, I haven't done..uh...yet. I'll get to it right after I get these plants put into the ground. No, really!

Be nice! I went grocery shopping (3 stores), washed the dishes and made dinner (Chili in Spud Bowls from Cheap. Fast. Good!), didn't I?

BTW, Caitlin loved dinner, so I consider my day a success ("Mommy, you're the best cook in the world!"). After a nice bath (hers), we went on to read A Mouse Called Wolf. Now I'm sipping tea and planning her lunch for tomorrow. School seems to be agreeing with her, now and she's really enjoying it. I get the occasional complaint about people not wanting to play with her. Usually boys. What's up with that? They're only five for goodness' sake! Why is the sex-segregated playing starting up already? Do you know how hard it is to explain to Little Miss Social Butterfly that people actually exist that won't want to be her friend? How weird is that?

My responses usually go one of two ways: 1) F*ck 'em! or 2) That's just the way people are some times - there are plenty other people out there that want to be your friend. Go play with them!

I don't actually verbalize option 1 quite that...plainly. I use the much nicer Mommy Speak. You know... "Well, that's their loss! You're a great friend to have!"

How could anyone resist her? She's funny, enthusiastic, and a snappy dresser. She even makes up little songs about her friends. Today was Sabrina day, yesterday it was Natalie. I don't think that kid could get any cuter if she tried!

[Insert gratuitous Caitlin photo here.]

I never really thought that being a grown-up means you need to be fluent in Mommy Speak, but there it is. Yet more grown-up points for me, I guess. Must be time to go play a video game to balance out all of that adultness.