Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Mommy Doesn't Love You at 2:40 A.M.

And other things you didn't want to know.

Mommy does have a favorite. Right now, mommy's favorite is whichever child sleeps through the night.

Mommy doesn't love babies that scream at her in the middle of the night for no good reason. Or school age screamers, either. If you're screaming, you'd better have a good reason for it.

Mommy doesn't love migraines, either. If you're screaming and mommy has a migraine, mommy starts thinking uncharitable thoughts about you. She also wonders how much you might be worth on the open market. Perhaps she could get a pony in exchange for you? A well trained pony that sleeps through the night.

Mommy's ability to be a good mommy is severely hampered due to lack of sleep. So if you want Good Mommy to show up and cuddle you, you need to be Good Sleeping Baby. This "growth spurt" thing is for the birds. Why does it take both of you a week of no sleeping in order to grow more? Shouldn't you be growing throughout the day?

Mommy doesn't like plugged milk ducts, either. Get on that, would you?

Mommy is really sorry you're still sick. It sucks, I know. It especially sucks knowing there's nothing I can do for you, other than wait it out. The $75 co-pay to be told just that sucks even worse, somehow.

Mommy sure is glad all three of you are as cute as buttons most of the time.

Now please go to sleep. Mommy loves you most when you're sleeping.


jennifer h said...

All of that is so true. Please, for the love of mike, just sleeeeepppp.

It looks like you had a great party. Happy Birthday!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Sometimes I wonder why, if I love my children so much, I would like nothing better than for all of them to please shut up and go to sleep?

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Thanks Jennifer! It was a good party.

SC: Because we're human. There's only so much togetherness a person can stand, even with the ones they love.

And because they're so darned LOUD when they're awake. A little quiet time is nice.

Valerie said...

Love the title! Too funny. And too true.

Missy said...

Oh the number of times I had that thought when my children were tiny. It is good for me to read the blogs of those with babies. It helps me remind myself of some of the reasons I have chosen to have babies be a part of my life for only short periods of time. Love the babies LOVE THEM. I just don't care to have any living in my house any longer.

Scylla said...

lol!! Excellent post my dear, for one so sleep deprived, you sure are clever!

I sold my cleverness for an extra cup of coffee and a scone.

Ali said...

Woman, you took the words right of my mouth. My tired, tired mouth.

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