I love alliterative post titles, don't you? I was tempted to misspell it to get them to "match", but I can't make myself do that. Frustrated English major deep inside, you know.
This was the weekend from Hell and I do not say that lightly.
It started off badly on Friday when I made the huge mistake of having two mugs of chai: one in the morning and then one around 3pm. The first one ensured neither twin would nap during the day. In my stupidity (and because it tasted so good) I had the second which then ensured that neither would sleep through the night. Or anywhere close to it.
The twins, when they finally passed out from exhaustion around 10, woke up at 11:30, 1:30, 3ish, 4-oh-my-god-I-can't-focus-my-eyes something, then 6:30 and then 7 something. Otherwise known as "We might as well get up" time.
Yes. I did this to myself. Yes. It is all my fault. But here's the thing to keep in mind that will put everything into perspective:
I haven't had 6-8 hours of sleep since last May.
Do you know what that does to a person? Well, I can't answer for the rest of you, but it makes me psychotically angry. I get angry at the drop of a hat. It has been building for months. On Saturday morning, I went to get a nail file out of the drawer and noticed my scissors. My shiny, sharp, hair cutting scissors. They suddenly looked really good.
And I don't mean in a hair cutting sort of way.
I had a sudden flash - an actual desire - to eviscerate myself*.
It was at that moment that I turned around and went back into the bedroom to announce to Eric that he couldn't leave me alone with the twins today, as we had originally planned and that I needed to go with him. Then I told him why.
Then we got ready and Tra-la-la-la-la! headed off to the Girls in Sports conference the Girl Scouts were having.
Caitlin is pushing me and working on defining her boundaries and all of that jazz that is perfectly normal (so I've been told) in 6.5 year olds. The problem is that her boundary pushing is coming at the same exact time that we have twins who don't sleep through the night. This is Not Good. You might even say that this is a Bad Situation.
Eric spent the day being sick. Turns out that whatever Heather had that she gave to Emma, Emma gave it to Eric (probably via vomit) and then Eric gave it to me. On Sunday. Fortunately for all involved, it only lasted 24 hours. Eric got his day to be miserable and I got mine.
Nothing says Motherhood like throwing up into a basin held over the head of your nursing son.
Parenting Without Pulling Punches. Maybe I should change my subtitle?
So. I spent Saturday night starting at 9:30 in bed. No reading, no writing, no nothing. Most especially no chai. Trying to sleep. Waking to nurse whomever was awake and then immediately putting them back down to sleep. It was still broken sleep, but better than the night before. And the night before that. And the one before that.
You get the picture.
The problem is that I spend the entire day nursing, changing, bouncing and entertaining the twins. Add to that the frustration that is a 6.5 year old that has to argue over everything: every word used incorrectly, every topic of conversation, everything you ask her to do. Night time, when Caitlin is finally in bed and the insanity that is the 4 pm to 8:30 pm time period is over, should be my time. My time to unwind.
Yes, "sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care" and yadda yadda yadda [Insert your favorite Shakespearean quote about sleep here] is fabulous. But I'd like some time to myself where no one needs or wants anything of me and no one is touching me. A time when I can think my own thoughts without being constantly interrupted by wee small people with urgent needs. Maybe even some time to get some work done for the upcoming Market season.
You see? I have a problem.
Caitlin, who gets 8 or more hours of sleep per night and gets to spend 6.5 hours out of the house, with her peers, doing things completely unrelated to babies and nursing has it easy. Even with all the yelling going on.
So maybe the person you should be worried about isn't Caitlin.
Maybe the person you should be worried about
* Me. Just me. Only me. No desire to hurt the under 7 set. Or Eric, either. And after 2 days of actually working at getting some sleep, I feel a bit better. Last night, however, the twins woke every two hours. We seem to be experiencing a growth spurt.
No rest for the wicked.