Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Ironies of Pregnancy

  1. You wanted to get pregnant and were able to. Yay!
    Then you got miserably ill (to a variable degree) for weeks or months. Boo!
  2. It's one of the few times in your life where you can eat as much as you want.
    Except for all of the items on this growing list and the fact that there's an even larger list of foods that you will no longer touch with a 10' pole.
  3. You always wanted to be an X-man/New Mutant/super hero when you were a kid.
    However, you didn't really think you'd be assigned Super Smelling powers, Super Touch Sensitivity, Empathy: Setting 11 and Incredible Farts. Lame! Then you start to wonder: how does Wolverine handle it? Everything and everyone smells! Even your favorite person - doesn't matter how many hours ago they ate whatever it was with onions, those onions are still there. Good thing you like garlic!
  4. Good sex got you into this. Yay!
    However, now sex is the last thing you want. Your sweetheart Is Not Amused. Unfortunately, this is not going to change for some time after the baby is born.
  5. You like to occasionally go shopping for fun new clothes.
    You're only going to be wearing these for a few months. They can be some of the most expensive "fat" clothes you'll ever buy.
  6. You're in touch with your emotions.
    Now, your emotions have taken you over (sometimes) and you're considering slaughtering innocents. Or, if you aren't being emotional, you are often accused of being emotional. Which makes you...emotional. Then you're back to the wanting to slaughter innocents stage. Or not-so-innocent.
  7. You have all these great ideas for how you're going to be a great parent!
    Theory will meet reality far sooner than you may like.
  8. You enjoy all of the attention from being obviously pregnant and all the nice compliments about "glowing" and how "fit" you look.
    When are people going to stop staring at your enormous belly? Don't even think about touching me, buster!
  9. You enjoy the kicking stage.
    The kicking moves to pummeling your a) bladder, b) cervix, c) ribs. Oh yeah, that's fun.
  10. You feel really creative. Check out that "nesting" instinct!
    You start wonder when your "creating" time will be over. Gestate! Gestate!
  11. You want to go full term. You want a good, healthy baby.
    You start thinking about how it wouldn't be so bad to go into labor early. Except for those NICU costs.
  12. You used to be cold all the time and now you're not!
    This is only useful if you're pregnant over the winter. Where's the AC?!
  13. You're excited about the changes to you body. Wow! Whose breasts are these?
    You fear the changes to your body will be permanent. OMG! Stretchmarks from my neck to my knees? WTF?!
  14. You have all these hopes and wishes for your unborn child/children. Smart, beautiful, talented, artistic, empathetic, compassionate, independent, athletic, brilliant, etc.
    In the end, you just start chanting for 10 fingers, 10 toes, 1 brain, a 4 chambered heart, 2 arms, 2 legs....
  15. You complain about how miserable you are and everyone sympathizes, after all...just look at you! But you know things will get better soon, once the baby is born.
    You are in Denial. Once they're born, you're looking at a 'Til Death Do Us Part, Rollercoaster Ride of emotional and physical exhaustion. And it ain't only for 18 years, neither!

1 comment:

Scylla said...

Ah those ironies of life. Okay, contradictions.


Here is mine, after getting the baby to finally sleep through the night, you wake up every few hours to make sure he is still breathing.

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