Friday, April 11, 2008

My Life as a Musical

Today's interlude would include Dentist! with Steve Martin singing. He gets to the point at 40 seconds in. I couldn't take it after it reached 1 min 30 seconds. Ack!

I always hear the intro to the song play whenever I think about going to the dentist. I don't know why....

I put off going to the dentist for a loooong time. Long as in four years. Caitlin, on the other hand, goes every 6 months like clockwork. So far, all is good. She likes going to the dentist. I, on the other hand, dread it. As a child of the 70s it was never fun. My older sister and I used to lock ourselves in a little closet in the dentist's office and refuse to come out. Why? Because we had lots of cavities since we didn't brush regularly and we ate frickin' candy all the live long day! We ate stuff I wouldn't let Caitlin touch as a parent (Remember those Dip Sticks? A solid sugar "stick" and two packets of powdered flavored sugar to dip into it because the stick couldn't possibly be sweet enough on its own? I think the flavors were Grape and Cherry. Tell me they don't still make that stuff!)!

So yeah. Cavities. So now that I'm the parent? I make sure she brushes her teeth twice a day every day (And oh the complaints! Ungrateful wretch! Geez!). Getting cavities drilled is bloody traumatic.

At least it was for me.

In the end, after all of the horrendous scraping of built up plaque was over (Ahhhhhhhh! Arrrgh!) I was actually pronounced fit! I have one ancient filling that needs to be replaced because it's beginning to "leak" and that's it! Hooray!

I was interested to see the upgrades in dental technology, though - they do digital x-rays now. How cool is that?!

Now, however, I have the filling replacement to dread. They're gonna have to drill that sucker out, aren't they? (Maybe they use lasers now. Frickin' lasers, man!) Do they still shoot you up with Novacaine in the gums ? I hate that. It's a fear combination that can't be beat: Hatchet + needles + dentistry = Puking Fear Level! I'm a terrible role model.

Can I get a Valium with that appointment?

- - - - -

Do you remember the Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs was inadvertently kidnapped by bank thieves and told to "Shut up shuttin' up"? (Two minutes and nine seconds in, for those of you without 7 minutes to watch the whole thing.)

I often feel a powerful desire to tell Caitlin this when she's so busy trying to argue about everything instead of doing what she's asked. Simple things, like going to bed. On time. Or get dressed for school. Or put her sneakers on. No, not the Crocs, it's cold and snowy outside. The sneakers. No, not the boots, it's not that snowy. No, I don't care what that other kid is wearing to school, these are your feet I'm interested in. Do it. Just do it. Now.



Stop telling me you're doing it and do it.


alessa said...

Hmm, you should see the other dentist movie Steve Martin starred in, "Novocaine". It was frelling halarious. Even Dr. Dean the DDS said it was the most realistic portrayal of a dentist in film he had ever seen.

Oh, yeah, quit yer whining! I had dentists bring their portable office out to the Alaskan village in which I grew up. Talk about your bare bones dental care!

If you were Dean's patient, no! you wouldn't get valium to go to the dentist! WHIMP! You gave birth!?! How could a trip to the dentist be worse than a C-section with TWINS?!?!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I've given birth 6 times - 5 times without any medication - and I need to take Valium to get through a dental visit. I know that poor guy dreads my coming in.

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Alessa: notice I was terrified going under the knife, too? Also? It's mostly about the drilling in my HEAD that freaks me out. I also hate bees or bugs getting too close to my ears for a similar reason.

Besides, those babies HAD to come out while I could have deliberately avoided the dentist for a few more years....

SC: exactly!

alessa said...

I could get Dean's Mom to tell ya about dental care in the 1940s... when her mom kicked her out of the car at the dental office and drove away.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I just went to the dentist last month for the first time in 4 years and two children. I was nervous as hell, but I was also declared fit. Isn't is a relief to hear those words? It almost makes scheduling the next cleaning a bit easier! LOL

Jennifer H said...

I love the dentist, but that may have something to do with the fact that I've never had a cavity. Or had to have a root canal.

So, if those things come up, I'll join you on the dark side. There ARE drugs on the dark side, right? I'll bring some.

alessa said...

Yeah, there are drugs on the dark side of dentistry. You can also get general ansthesia and get all your work done while you're under...but that's for wussies.

Woman with a Hatchet said...

NATUI: A total relief. Except I have to replace that one filling. I hope it will be easy.

Jennifer: No cavities?! Lucky you! You must have been really good about brushing as a kid. I was baaad.

Alessa: Phbbbbt! : P I send you a raspberry with love.

alessa said...

tanks! I accept it wif lurv too!

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