Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Ninja Illness

Have you ever noticed that during the times when you're sick enough to lose your voice and no one can hear you anymore that apparently they can't see you any more, either?

I am Ninja!

With laryngitis.

There you are, stuck with one crying child in your arms and another in a swing and you're waving your arms madly at your 6 year old as if you're trying to catch some air and she can't see you. Now, this is mitigated by the fact that she's reading and you know she can't hear anything while she's reading (apparently an inheritable trait from moi), including your desperate Psst! Psssst! Now you sound like a tire expiring upon the road, but you cannot be heard over the cries of twins.

Now what?

Now, of course, you pound on the table like you're trying to make a point in debate class. When that doesn't work, it's time to pound on the wall like an inmate trying to get out.

An inmate of the loony bin, of course.

Where else would you find such a sight? Wild eyed, wild haired, PJ-clad woman desperate to escape.

To the bathroom.

I think I might have to produce some paper signs to wave about.

I spent all night tap-tap-tapping Eric on the chest like that famous Raven, only there would be no croaking Nevermore! from my throat. Whispering just doesn't have that oomph, ya know?

Tap tap = Get the baby.
Tap tap tap = Take this baby.
Tap tap tap! = Get the other baby.
Tap tap tap tap = Take this one now.

Booting with feet didn't go over well, I noticed.

So here I sit, trapped in my own silent movie.

I am a game of charades gone entirely wrong.


Scylla said...

I am sorry your voice in gone... I suggest getting an air horn. People may want to kill you, but boy will you be heard!!

Underemployed Nama said...

Sympathy coming your way. I've had it, too, one of many times over the years. I developed the ability to produce a fairly impressive whistle through my teeth. I sound like an outraged tea kettle, and people just about have to pay attention. But then they ask questions and I sink back into frogdom as I try to produce intelligibility. Sigh. Get well fast.

Missy said...

Feel better soon!

Constance said...

The times when I've lost my voice, I've suggested to my children in a fierce whisper that if they don't pay attention when I try to tell them something, I will get their attention with a BIG STICK.

No. I just imagine doing that. But it's SO FRUSTRATING!

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Thanks for the well wishes, gang!

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Hello Constance! Thanks for dropping by.

Kids are little rats, aren't they? Caitlin has taken to answering me in a whisper now. It's sort of funny, but also feels like she's mocking me.

Of course yelling is impossible and a firm whisper just ain't cuttin' it.

Besides, it leads to a coughing fit. : )

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