Public Service Announcement: Chain Letters

Just don't do it.

Chain letters, my friends, are evil. They are filled with lies and idiocy and sometimes, they strike a chord of fear within us and we think: "It might be true!" and then we forward it on, to our unsuspecting friends and family members.

Let me be the one to tell you, if no one ever has before, that there's a service out there that can help you: Snopes.com.

They'll tell you all about the latest and greatest of Urban Legends and bizarre email chains that are going around. They'll tell you all about the Nigerian and how that man is never ever going to send you money and how your momma won't be killed if you don't forward on this email message. You won't ever get money out of Microsoft for forwarding on that email, that "stolen" recipe for cookies isn't real, and your friends will have neither good nor bad luck if they don't forward on that trite poem.

What you will do is clutter up your inbox and that of your friends and family members, at the very least. At the worst, you'll have accepted viruses or worms, given personal info to spammers or managed to corrupt your system. Does your computer seem to run slower and slower, even though you've never installed anything new on it? You probably have spyware all over it. Get help. Download free spyware removal programs. Run it every month. Or every week if you can't help but accept cookies from every web site you visit.

So, please! Please! Pretty please!

Don't forward on emails that contain messages that are too good to be true, too frightening to be real or threaten or cajole you to "not break the chain".

If you're not certain of the info contained in an email, look it up on snopes.com first.

Just keep in mind: chain letters are evil. Think of them as infectious germs. Don't pass them on.

Item of note

The twins both have hiccups.

It feels very strange.

First Emma hiccups, then Logan, then back to Emma. Repeat. Either that or they've found a ping-pong ball to play with in there.

Hummers galore!

After weeks and weeks and weeks of no hummingbirds, I now have at least 3 females and/or juveniles hanging out in my yard, sipping nectar from my feeders and flowers, whipping about from tree to tree.

It's awesome!

So far I've only been able to positively identify one male broad-tailed and one male rufous. Now I have several females and/or juveniles, but they move so fast that it's hard to pick out individual characteristics. They may all be broad-tailed from what I've seen, but I'm not certain of it. I haven't seen the males in a few days. It's very cool to think that they'll stick with me from now until late September or early October. Of course, for all I know, I have a new set taking up residence for a few days and then moving on.

I'll take what I can get.

I believe I have both females and juveniles, and I'm even willing to say that at least 2 of the juvies are males. Which type? I'm not certain. I did see green backs, a little rufous on the sides and a spot right in the middle of the gorget, but for all I know, both sets look like that. They are so small! No bigger than the tip of my thumb to the first knuckle. Cute!

Now I get to spend the winter planning for late summer flowers in the backyard that would make the hummers happy. Agastache, anyone?

Pre-Natal Massage

A few questions for you:

1. Are you pregnant?
2. Do you like massages?
3. Do you have a school of massage near you?

If your answer the above was YES! to all three, then you, my friend, can get free pre-natal massages if you're willing to be a massage student's dummy. Or whatever the term they use for the person they practice on is! My friend A. is a massage therapist and is coming out in a couple of weeks for a pre-natal massage training class and I get to be her guinea pig. The school, however, thought I'd signed up for this past weekend, so they asked if I'd like to come for both sessions. I, of course, said yes.

Your experience may vary wildly depending on the skill of the student, but it's probably a pretty good guess that by the time they are unleashing the students on pregnant women they have some level of knowledge and/or skill under their belts. My student was great! I even started falling asleep.

I walked into the school, checked in and then got picked out of the pack by my student. I felt like a very large puppy. I'll take the one with the extra round tummy! She looks playful! Then we were walked into a very large room, with 16 massage beds in it, eight on either side of the room. We undressed behind the sheet held up by our students and then, with the generously sized sheet wrapped around our gravid selves, stepped up onto the table with the assistance of a step stool. Trust me, there ain't no "hopping" up onto beds happening around these here parts! Then I got stuffed full of pillows and wedges and we chatted and I got massaged. Considered the room was filled with women (and one male student), it was relatively quiet in there. Low lights and new age-y music of the type one gets while getting a massage or walking through a Nature Store.

It was great!

I still think that once you're done they should wheel you into a separate napping room to let you sleep off the lethargy that massage brings. Ahh!

Steal This Post: Inflammatory Breast Cancer

From Toddler Planet. By the way, it's not just women. Men can also get breast cancer. Please be sure to examine your breasts and report any change to your doctor as soon as possible. In the case of IBC, it's not something to brush off - no matter how much you hate going to the doctor. By the way, she discovered hers while breastfeeding and had noticed that her son didn't want to nurse on that side. Not to freak you out, but breastfeeding isn't a protective shield and IBC may be mistaken for mastitis.

Here is WhyMommy's post in full below.

We hear a lot about breast cancer these days. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetimes, and there are millions living with it in the U.S. today alone. But did you know that there is more than one type of breast cancer?

I didn’t. I thought that breast cancer was all the same. I figured that if I did my monthly breast self-exams, and found no lump, I’d be fine.

Oops. It turns out that you don’t have to have a lump to have breast cancer. Six weeks ago, I went to my OB/GYN because my breast felt funny. It was red, hot, inflamed, and the skin looked…funny. But there was no lump, so I wasn’t worried. I should have been. After a round of antibiotics didn’t clear up the inflammation, my doctor sent me to a breast specialist and did a skin punch biopsy. That test showed that I have inflammatory breast cancer, a very aggressive cancer that can be deadly.

Inflammatory breast cancer is often misdiagnosed as mastitis because many doctors have never seen it before and consider it rare. “Rare” or not, there are over 100,000 women in the U.S. with this cancer right now; only half will survive five years. Please call your OB/GYN if you experience several of the following symptoms in your breast, or any unusual changes: redness, rapid increase in size of one breast, persistent itching of breast or nipple, thickening of breast tissue, stabbing pain, soreness, swelling under the arm, dimpling or ridging (for example, when you take your bra off, the bra marks stay – for a while), flattening or retracting of the nipple, or a texture that looks or feels like an orange (called peau d’orange). Ask if your GYN is familiar with inflammatory breast cancer, and tell her that you’re concerned and want to come in to rule it out.

There is more than one kind of breast cancer. Inflammatory breast cancer is the most aggressive form of breast cancer out there, and early detection is critical. It’s not usually detected by mammogram. It does not usually present with a lump. It may be overlooked with all of the changes that our breasts undergo during the years when we’re pregnant and/or nursing our little ones. It’s important not to miss this one.

Inflammatory breast cancer is detected by women and their doctors who notice a change in one of their breasts. If you notice a change, call your doctor today. Tell her about it. Tell her that you have a friend with this disease, and it’s trying to kill her. Now you know what I wish I had known before six weeks ago.

You don’t have to have a lump to have breast cancer.

Things that make you go "Hmmmm"

From Organic Bytes:

WHO OWNS YOUR FAVORITE ORGANIC BRANDS?
As the $20 billion organic marketplace continues to expand, major corporations continue to take over many of the most familiar organic brands. Dr. Phil Howard, an Assistant Professor at Michigan State, has provided a new update on his popular chart "Who Owns Organic." Are you supporting corporations like Kraft, M&M, or Pepsi with what you thought was a purchase of your old familiar brand?

• View this chart to see acquisitions of the top selling organic brands: http://www.organicconsumers.org/organic/OrganicTop25Jul07.pdf
• View this chart to see the top selling INDEPENDENT organic brands here: http://www.organicconsumers.org/organic/OrganicIndJul07.pdf

Looks like the Big Boys have been buying their way in to the organic food movement. The only problem is when companies like Dean start watering down and twisting what it means to be organic. So while I do not begrudge major corporations from buying up popular and profitable organic companies, I'll still buy the product, as soon as I hear that they are no longer actually keeping to organic standards I'm outta there!

To whit: I no longer purchase Horizon or Aurora organic products (Which includes Costco's Kirkland and Wild Oats dairy products. Damn!). White Wave tofu, Silk soymilk are sourced from Brazil and China and well...we've seen how well that's worked in pet food, so they're out for us too.

Doctor! Doctor!

Twenty-nine weeks.

Oof!

Visited the doctor today to get yet another ultrasound and check on the growth of the twins. Everything appears to be going swimmingly and not only that, the tech verified that yes, my placenta is located over Logan's body. This explains why I can hardly feel him moving except for when he makes really big moves while I can feel Emma pretty much all of the time. This is good to know and helps keep me calm.

Linda, Eric's mom, got to go with us this time and engage in some fetal voyeurism. She never had a chance to see anyone else's ultrasounds previously and seemed pretty excited about it. The tech was very good about explaining what everything was and what exactly we were looking at. Unfortunately, she didn't get great face shots this time, but that had more to do with how the twins are currently laying than anything the tech could have done better. Turns out that Logan is still head down (within headbutting range of my cervix), while Emma has flipped over and is now breech. I'm surprised she actually had room to flip around like that! Four weeks ago they were both head down. Shouldn't I notice when they make such a huge adjustment? Do they do it in stages or one big oooof! moment?

Anyway, they're both doing well. Yay Team Hatchet!

Vital Statistics:

• Weight: +49 lbs I've gained enough weight to equal one Caitlin (44#) and a large dictionary.
  
• Waist size: 47.5" I'm bigger around than Caitlin is tall (44").
  
• Babies: 2. Yin-Yang positions. His head is down, hers is up.
  
• Fundal measurement: 39 cm. What happens when I slide past 40 cm? Do I pop?
  
• Cervical measurement: 34.8 mm. Still looking good. Apparently they start to fret below 30 mm and panic below 25 mm.
• Cervical dilation: None. Ow! I could have told her that! They need scopes instead of fingers for that "check". Ow! Did I mention we now have to do that check every two weeks? Ow!
  
• Heart rates: 150+ bpm for Logan, 140+ bpm for Emma. No, the heart rates do not tell you what the sex is. Old wives tales - ignore those folks.
  
• Weights: Logan - 3 lb 7 oz. Emma - 3 lb 6 oz. Logan caught up! They are one ounce shy of Caitlin's birth weight, between them. Fortunately, my body doesn't appear ready to evict them for being 6 lb 13 oz. According to this, they are 1-2 weeks ahead of the average singleton pregnancy. Yay us!
  

Next appointment in 2 weeks, next ultrasound in 4 weeks and then the weekly exams begin.

Nine (9) weeks left!

The Ironies of Pregnancy

1. You wanted to get pregnant and were able to. Yay!
   Then you got miserably ill (to a variable degree) for weeks or months. Boo!
2. It's one of the few times in your life where you can eat as much as you want.
   Except for all of the items on this growing list and the fact that there's an even larger list of foods that you will no longer touch with a 10' pole.
3. You always wanted to be an X-man/New Mutant/super hero when you were a kid.
   However, you didn't really think you'd be assigned Super Smelling powers, Super Touch Sensitivity, Empathy: Setting 11 and Incredible Farts. Lame! Then you start to wonder: how does Wolverine handle it? Everything and everyone smells! Even your favorite person - doesn't matter how many hours ago they ate whatever it was with onions, those onions are still there. Good thing you like garlic!
4. Good sex got you into this. Yay!
   However, now sex is the last thing you want. Your sweetheart Is Not Amused. Unfortunately, this is not going to change for some time after the baby is born.
5. You like to occasionally go shopping for fun new clothes.
   You're only going to be wearing these for a few months. They can be some of the most expensive "fat" clothes you'll ever buy.
   
6. You're in touch with your emotions.
   Now, your emotions have taken you over (sometimes) and you're considering slaughtering innocents. Or, if you aren't being emotional, you are often accused of being emotional. Which makes you...emotional. Then you're back to the wanting to slaughter innocents stage. Or not-so-innocent.
7. You have all these great ideas for how you're going to be a great parent!
   Theory will meet reality far sooner than you may like.
8. You enjoy all of the attention from being obviously pregnant and all the nice compliments about "glowing" and how "fit" you look.
   When are people going to stop staring at your enormous belly? Don't even think about touching me, buster!
9. You enjoy the kicking stage.
   The kicking moves to pummeling your a) bladder, b) cervix, c) ribs. Oh yeah, that's fun.
10. You feel really creative. Check out that "nesting" instinct!
    You start wonder when your "creating" time will be over. Gestate! Gestate!
11. You want to go full term. You want a good, healthy baby.
    You start thinking about how it wouldn't be so bad to go into labor early. Except for those NICU costs.
12. You used to be cold all the time and now you're not!
    This is only useful if you're pregnant over the winter. Where's the AC?!
13. You're excited about the changes to you body. Wow! Whose breasts are these?
    You fear the changes to your body will be permanent. OMG! Stretchmarks from my neck to my knees? WTF?!
    
14. You have all these hopes and wishes for your unborn child/children. Smart, beautiful, talented, artistic, empathetic, compassionate, independent, athletic, brilliant, etc.
    In the end, you just start chanting for 10 fingers, 10 toes, 1 brain, a 4 chambered heart, 2 arms, 2 legs....
    
15. You complain about how miserable you are and everyone sympathizes, after all...just look at you! But you know things will get better soon, once the baby is born.
    You are in Denial. Once they're born, you're looking at a 'Til Death Do Us Part, Rollercoaster Ride of emotional and physical exhaustion. And it ain't only for 18 years, neither!

Happy Birthday, Daniel!

My youngest nephew is my kid sister's son, Daniel, who just turned 2 on 7/7/07, but it took her until now to send pictures. Look at what she sent me!
He's got her eyes for certain. The hair looks like Eric's did when he was small - same hippy cut, too! Eric swears he had nothing to do with it.

And then there was this one. Daniel got a new shirt for the occasion!
Aiee! My kid sister is knocked up pregnant again! And didn't tell anyone for sixteen weeks! Amazing!

Wench!

Congratulations!

Nursery Work

Works continues apace on the nursery.

Two weekends ago, Sierra masterfully handled the stamping/stenciling and did a fabulous job. (Mille grazie!) Caitlin sat outside the door and read to her and sang songs to keep her company. Caitlin has been hovering about whenever work occurs which can be troublesome, but we know she just wants to be involved. She got the distinct pleasure of applying the very first star stamp to the wall in purple paint.

This past Saturday, Eric applied the glow in the dark stencils to the ceiling and then on Sunday morning, installed the fan that matches Caitlin's new one, On Monday, while Caitlin was in Day Camp (Another week! Hoorah!), he started installing the new flooring.

Click to enlarge.

Ooh! Ahh!

Did you know that much cursing is involved in installing flooring? I knew that from last time Eric installed Pergo in our kitchen and dining room before we had the big make-over. I thought it would be easier since this time there's no glue. The video they gave you made it sound so easy!

Glue. Tap. Wipe. Done!

They didn't include the hours of cursing, measuring, cutting, cursing, tapping out of position, cursing, tapping back into position and dealing with walls that were neither perfectly straight nor come all the way to the floor. Fun times! Fun times!

It's slightly easier this time, but the cursing is the same. Less of it when Caitlin is home, way lots more of it while she's away.

The best part? He'll have to do the same thing in Caitlin's room! But he'll be a seasoned Floor Warrior by then and her room is smaller.

Do you think I should mention I'd like him to do ours the same way or should we just wait for an income and have professionals do it in matching red bamboo like the rest of the house? Evil grin!

The plan:

1. Remove carpeting and pad. Done!
2. Remove staples in floor. Done!
3. Remove baseboards. Done!
4. Vacuum floor. Done!
5. Paint with Kilz to seal in anything...unpleasant. Done!
6. Paint ceiling in fabulous dark blue (Called Deep Space). Done!
7. Begin painting walls. Done!
8. Add stars, moon, sun, spaceship and rocketship using glow in the dark paint. Done!
9. Apply stencils/stamps. Done!
10. Once the walls are done, remove fan. Done!
11. Install new fan. Done!
12. Install new flooring. In progress!
    
13. Purchase, stain and cut new baseboards to size.
    
14. Install new baseboards.
15. Pass out from fumes.
16. Replace all 1980's almond outlets, switches and covers with white ones.
    
17. Install dimmer switch.
    
18. Install bookcases, crib, rocking chair and sundry other nursery items.
19. Photograph everything for posterity because the room will never be this organized and clean, ever again.
20. Drinks for everyone! Except the Preggosaurus, who will grumble into her lemonade while being uninhibitedly thrilled that the nursery is done and she didn't have to inhale more fumes than necessary.

Why yes, I was a project manager in my previous life! However did you know?!

Items of Note: My Belly

I've noticed something recently: I feel like I'm leading with my belly as I walk/lumber/limp/hobble around. Yes, it always enters the room before the rest of me, but this is like being sway-backed or something. As if...my belly has a life of it's own. It has possessed me and I am just being hauled around behind it!

Aieee!

This might explain why it keeps leading me into nice restaurants, too. Nice, air-conditioned restaurants.

Maybe that's why everyone keeps staring at it when we're out in public? Maybe other people can tell that there's something other about my belly and that I am under its control?

And then there are the times when it moves. Without my conscious control!

Aieeee!

Stop it before it takes over the world!

15 Minutes

Time enough to:

1. Put away the breakfast items, the clean dishes from the dishwasher and load the dirty dishes, but not enough time to also wash the pots, clean the counters and pick up the kitchen.
2. Bathe Caitlin, but not to get her lotioned up, dressed for bed and read a story with/to her.
3. Shower, wash my hair and attempt the Herculean feat of shaving my legs (where I can see them), but not enough time to do my hair, lotion myself up or get dressed (without taking a break, first).
4. Vacuum the kitchen, dining room and stairs, but not enough time to move all the chairs and set the Scooba running, vacuum or clean the living room or put anything out of place away.
5. Clean one sink and one toilet and put away items that have a home in the bathroom, not enough time to also mop the floor. Forget about cleaning the bathtub. What makes you think I can bend?!
   

Choose any two per day. Then I'm going to nap for 1-2 hours, after each chore*.

Oh yeaaaaaah. Being pregnant with twins is a friggin' riot!






*Oh, and did I tell you about shopping indoors in 95 degree heat caused me to have 4 contractions in 30 minutes? Think I should tell the doctor? Nuh-uh. I think I just won't be going shopping in 95 degree weather any more.

Siren Song

I gave in to the siren song that is the final Harry Potter book.

I'll be back tomorrow.

[Echoes, as if from a well.]

Or, as they say in the land of my mother: Soon come.

Soon come!

My reaction:
From Sally Forth. I liked it!

Whine Centers are Open!

Click to enlarge.

I'm doomed by physiology.

Comic by Off The Mark.

Oh My Gosh!

And I thought a puppy would be a lot of work! And yet, don't think I didn't think for a moment that having my very own wouldn't be a lot of fun!

My very own what? Watch the video.

It's official

My belly button has gone from being a serious innie, past flattened and now it's becoming an outtie. This takes no small effort, either. The belly, it is working hard.

Every time I have a contraction while sitting down, the top of my belly flattens out and becomes a perfect table.

My linea negra has gone from being long to working on being wide.

I am constantly opening doors into my belly. Somehow I can't get the kinesthetic sense down about how far out my gut goes. Soon I'll have to lean over to open doors without hitting myself in the belly.

Perfect strangers feel really really bad for me. They feel even worse when they find out I'm not due until September and that it's twins. When you tell them the first part without the second part, they just think I've been over-indulging in the Ben & Jerry's. I only wish I was over-indulging in Ben & Jerry's.

Mmmmm! Ice cream.

Adventure!

I dragged the family off for a day of adventure yesterday. It also happened to coincide with one of my current obsessions and got us out of the house for many hours.

We went to the Starsmore Discovery Center in Colorado Springs after I'd read this article in Front Range Living.

Being a sucker, I used MapQuest for the directions. No problem! I thought. I've got the whole address and everything. So I printed it out the night before and then we followed them properly all the way down from Chez Hatchet only to discover that we were horribly misplaced (Not lost mind you, we still knew we were in Colorado!) and had found our way into a swanky section of CO Springs after having driven through the icky section, which looked rather like Colfax in Denver. Very run down commercial area. Bleah!

Eric thought I was lame and broke out his Secondary Brain Unit (Sprint PPC6700) and got new directions for us. I felt embarrassed, but how was I supposed to know we would wind up in suburbia? We were in the Springs and that part made sense! So then after he punched in new data, we determined we were only a couple of miles away (Whew!) and took off again.

Only to find ourselves outside a local elementary school.

Whaaaaat?

Hah ha! Almost never has vindication felt as sweet! It wasn't me, it was MapQuest! Or, actually, Eric had switched to GoogleMaps, so it was Starsmore! The elusive mystery of hummingbirds had apparently also made the site difficult to find as well. Eric tried again, using the actual name of the park this time (North Cheyenne Cañon Park) and then we drove the next two miles and finally made it. I knew we were in the right place as soon as I heard the high pitched buzzing.

Hummingbirds everywhere! There were flowers and feeders all over the place and bunches of males desperately working to keep other males from getting to "their" feeder. We were dive bombed several times as one male chased another between/over/around us. Taking pictures was nearly impossible until they landed, since you couldn't count on getting a feeder shot unless it was the "rightful owner" of that particular feeder. Wanna see?

Of course you do!

Male black-chinned.

Male broad-tailed (although you can't tell since the sun didn't hit his gorget right for this shot).

Male rufous. Here's an actual image. All of the shots are seriously cropped and these are taken with my 70-200mm. I don't have a "birding" telephoto lens. Yet.

Same shot, zoomed in.

Very pretty throat. Boys are such show offs!

Oh, I spent a little time talking to the lady at the Center and asked her wher my hummers were. She said others were running into the same problem and that the Center blamed it on the wet spring we had. Wet spring = more wildflowers in the wild = less birds looking for suburban feeders. OH! Well, that explains that then. Now, however, that it's hot and dry and the wildflower seasons is coming to a close, this is when we start to see hummingbirds in our backyards. OK then. I won't take it so personally next year, then.

But they'd better show up!

After we were done (You really can't spend hours staring at tiny birds whipping about you like mad fighter pilots.), we headed on home and stopped off at Castlerock for a little outlet shopping for maternity clothes. Ahh!

And some really awful mall food. Apparently the food is "seconds" as well.

Later that night, I felt a burning need to go to the grocery store. Since it was Caitlin's bedtime, I went alone.

Warning!
Never let a pregnant woman go grocery shopping by herself!

I returned with organic toaster pastries (Oh, come on, you know I mean organic Pop-Tarts!), 3 kinds of premium ice cream (Strawberries & Cream, Mint Chocolate Chip and Chocolate Espresso), organic raspberry yogurt (Why can't they make large containers of this?), organic plums (Conventional taste like crap. I'm not wasting money on them anymore. They taste watery and often unripe/bitter. Phooey!), a few bagels, pasteurized garlic cheese spread, crackers, a small thing of milk to tide me over until our yummy milk is delivered and a bottle of this caffeinated protein drink I've taken a liking to (I've found I hate the taste of soymilk.).

So much for trying to rein in my sweet tooth. I'll be lucky if the twins don't come out immediately hopped up on sugared cereal. Le Sigh!

Caitlin says...

Eric: "Caitlin, get up, brush your teeth, take off your panties and put on your swimsuit."

Caitlin has her last day of all day camp today. You know, I was dubious at first, but 8 hours of no whining? That's worth every penny!

Caitlin: "But they're clean!"
Eric: "But you don't wear panties under your swimsuit."

Caitlin looks at Eric as if he's insane.

Eric, explaining: "We don't ever wear panties under our swimsuits."
Caitlin, frustrated: "I wish life wouldn't be so hard!"

Me too, Caitlin. Me too.

Is this what I have to look forward to?!

Please tell me it won't be this bad!

Click to enlarge for your viewing pleasure.

From one of my favorite comics: Baby Blues. I suddenly have more in common with Wanda than before - mother of three?!

Ultrasound pictures are up

From our last visit here. Sorry it took so long. I've been tired and busy!

We have another ultrasound this coming Thursday. Whee!

Ravenclaw! Or is it Griffindor?

Turns out I'm not a Hufflepuff. Although it was a close second.

Griffindor: 78
Ravenclaw: 88
Hufflepuff: 86
Slytherin: 46

The sorting hat says that I belong in Ravenclaw!

Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose intelligence is surest."

Ravenclaw students tend to be clever, witty, intelligent, and knowledgeable.
Notable residents include Cho Chang and Padma Patil (objects of Harry and Ron's affections), and Luna Lovegood (daughter of The Quibbler magazine's editor).

Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.

Get Sorted Now!

Unless, of course, you take the much shorter quiz. In which case, I'm Griffindor.

Your Score: Gryffindor!

The Sorting Hat has spoken! You've got 84 House Points!

Head of House: Professor McGonagall

House Colors: Scarlett and Gold

House Animal: Lion

Gryffindor made his choices of students based on Bravery. A little knowledge, however, did go a long way with him. You are a very brave person indeed, always willing to help out a friend, or innocent bystander who is in need... or anyone who is in need mostly. I salute you. Gryffindor is known mainly for it's heroic members... HUZZAH! Great deeds await you in this house.

Some students from Gryffindor house are Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley.

This test is here.

So who's planning on buying the book so I can borrow it after you're done? Hmmm? [Raised eyebrow.]

Yeah, what's up with that?

Well, except for Caitlin. Untimely ripped from her mother's womb and all that. Or, was it timely done, since she wasn't coming out any other way?

Otherwise, as the video we watched last night in the Refresher Birth Class showed us:

Insert dry technical voice-over here.

An incision is made through the skin and the fat layer beneath. Then forceps are used to streeeetch the opening wider (I started feeling ill at that point, even though it was just an animation and not "live".) so that the surgeon can push the muscles to either side. After that, another incision is made in the wall of the uterus. The baby(ies!) are pulled out, head first through the opening and handed off to the Infant Brigade, then the placenta(s!) are removed. Finally, the uterus is sewn back up, muscles replaced where they belong, forceps released, fat and skin layers sewed up and the mother is none the wiser.

Save for the crying of her newborn child(ren).

Oh man! I don't want to be there when that happens! Do you suppose they'd give me Valium to take the edge off? Or remove a little of that fat layer while they're in there? That would be nice.

Squicked out yet?

Twenty-eight weeks

Here I am!

Huff! Puff!

I've reached 28 weeks!

Huff! Puff!

I don't know how much longer I am going to be able to take the heat!

Huff! Puff!

I feel like I'm melting on a daily basis whenever I step outside the house. So I try not to step outside the house. The only problem is, that way lies madness! And the temperature in our house never drops below 81 degrees with the air conditioner running full blast, all day. Clearly, we have a Problem, Houston. I'd like for us to get an energy audit and see if there's anything we can do (Cheaply!) to fix this. The air conditioner works, but the house must just be leaking cool air like a sieve.

Anyway, did you want to see the Belly that Ate Boulder?

Of course you did!

Alfred Hitchcock profile.
Huge!
The 20, 24 and 28 week triptych. Click it! Click it you fool!*
Vital Statistics:

• Weight: +49lbs
• Waist size: 47.5"
• Babies: 2 (Referring to them as "They" still freaks me out.)
• Breathing: Still labored
• Feet: What feet?
• Hunger: Reduced.
• Thirst: Increasing rapidly.
• Exhaustion: Ramping up. I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. Except at night, in my bed, comfortably for more than 2 hours at a time. Le Sigh! Anytime we go out and do anything (like grocery shopping) I need a nap right afterwards.
• Contractions: Continuing, but never more than 4 an hour. If I'm doing a lot of reclining and reading, very few at all. They make it even harder to breathe.
• Garden: Getting weedier by the second. Poor plants!
• Massages scheduled: 3! I'm going to be a test subject for pre-natal massage therapist students (twice)! And one professional massage, as a gift from my friend A. Whee!
• Clothing: The larges aren't large enough anymore. I'm outgrowing my maternity shorts/skorts/capris! Argh!
• Urge to bite bystanders: Increasing daily.

Ooh! Next week, another ultrasound. Fetal voyeurism at its best!

Ten more weeks. Say it with me!

Ten more weeks!




* Line from...what?

We're humming now!

Yesterday, I only heard a hummingbird zipping through my yard.

This morning, I saw a new one at my feeder: a Rufous hummingbird. Again, it was around 7:30 am, and then nothing for the rest of the day (Yesterday, that is.).

Le Sigh!

At least I know that they're actually here. Unfortunately, they seem to completely ignore the plants on my deck for the time being. These are supposed to be really attractive to hummers! I'm feeling grumpy about it. I'm also not clear why they aren't sticking around after a sip or two. Is it a problem if I have a finch feeder 10 feet away?

Any suggestions?

Hummingbirds!

Not one sighting, not two, but three! this morning all before 8 am. I couldn't sleep (Surprise!), so I got out of bed at 5 am and was eating and making plans and reading a good book (Swordspoint by Ellen Kushner) when I heard the funny buzzing, chirping sound.

I looked up at my long neglected feeder and there it was! My second whole sighting for the summer. I grabbed my binoculars as quickly as I could and immediately identified it as a male Broad-tailed hummingbird. He was very easy to identify from that ruby red throat. Yay! After he left, I grabbed the feeder, gave it a quick scrub and refilled it with sugar solution that I had in the fridge just to make sure they had a clean supply.

Ten minutes later, I happened to glance up and saw another little hummer and noticed that it wasn't making a sound. A female! She looked as if she had stripes down her throat, so I was kind of thrown by that and wondering if she was the same type, but my research shows that she may just be an older female. Excitement indeed! At this point, Eric and Caitlin were waking up, so I got to share my thrilling news with them. The third bird was whipping across the yard as if it was looking for something before it found the feeder. At that point, it settled down to sipping, silently. Another female! Didn't appear to be the same one because of the lack of the long stripes down her throat.

Ahhh!

All three sighting occurred before 7:30 am, so guess where I will be over the course of the next few days at 7 am? It is not lost on me that my agastaches and scarlet gilia are finally in bloom, either. I've been in the very slow process of potting up the annuals that I'd grown from seed (for sales that never happened) this spring. I figure, if I can't sell them, I may as well pot them up for my own use and see if I can lure the hummers right onto the deck, for closer inspection. This will also give me an idea of how well these combinations grow together so that I might give them a try next year for sale.

It takes a lot of energy to put them together, too. I wind up breathless halfway through moistening potting soil and then knocked out by the time I've finished one pot. Here's what I've done, though:

• Pot 1: 3 Sundial portulaca (aka moss rose), 2 hyacinth bean vine, 1 Silver Falls dichondra, 1 cup and saucer vine.
• Pot 2: 1 scarlet sage, 3 heliotrope, 6 Sundial portulaca, 3 Silver Falls dichondra, 3 Riviera Blue lobelia.
• Pot 3 & 4: 1 1 cup and saucer vine, 3 Heather Queen agastache, 3 Sundial portulaca.
• Pot 5: 2 Mosaic coleus, 1 Dragon's blood coleus, 1 Scarlet Kong and 1 Red Kong Coleus.
• Pot 6: Haven't done this one yet, but I'm thinking about 3-5 scarlet sage, 3-5 heliotrope and 5-6 portulaca. The portulaca looks miserable because of some critter eating it where I had it sitting in the yard. The other portulacas looked pretty miserable, but seem to be bouncing back, now that they are in fresh potting soil and away from the things that munch.
• More pots as I think of them, until I run out of annuals or potting mix. Or breath.
  

I will take pictures of the pots later, they all look pretty darned spindly right now. Fortunately, being annuals, they will all grow like mad and fill in pretty seriously by the time the first frost rolls around in October or November. Now I'm off to go plant before it heats up more than I can bear.

Wow!

Now I know where the children of the Cirque du Soleil are when their parents are performing. They're off competing here.

Oof! I'm dizzy just watching!

Doctor! Doctor!

Hello twenty-seven weeks!

We're now on the every-two-weeks cycle of doctor's visits, just in case my cervix decides to open this time. You know, early. I really rather doubt it, but it is nice to hear their tiny heart beats on a more regular basis.

My blood glucose test came back peachy and turns out that my iron count is excellent as well, even though I haven't been taking my iron pills daily. Must be all that meat I'm eating. I've never eaten so much pig in my life! Bacon is excellent. Eric makes BLTs on an almost daily basis. I'm OK with chicken again, but given any other choice, I'll eat something other than chicken, so it's been Red Meat City for months now. I guess that's worked out to my advantage, though. However, the doc decided she wanted to know how my thyroid was hanging in there, but had forgotten to order the test when they already had vials of my blood, so I had to give them yet more. It's interesting to me that childbirth has given me the opportunity to get over my panic response to needles and my own blood. While I'm still not going to look, I don't feel cold/sweaty/panicky when they're taking my blood anymore. So that's good, I guess.

I still feel like I have Cabin Fever, though. When we go out grocery shopping, I start having contractions, so any extended walking is out for me. Yesterday we went to the library and brought home piles of books. Some are even about gardening since I figure if I can't go out and do it, I may as well read about it! They're giving me so many ideas though, that it's walking that fine line between being entertained and frustrated that I can't do the same things in my yard. I've promised myself that next year I will get that Backyard Wild Life Habitat designation. This year it's too much. I don't need it to be "perfect", but if I'm going to potentially have reporters banging around, I'd like it to be a little more organized.

Oh, but you came here for the statistics, didn't you?

Vital Statistics:

• Babies: 2
• Heart rates: 150s and 160s
• Weight: +47
• Fundal height: 38 cm (No change)
• Waist: 46.5 (No change - are they just growing in size or what?)
• Time left: eleven (11!) weeks

Oh, we are now starting to talk about dates for the planned c-section. I feel kinda funny having to choose their birthday! Now I feel the need to look for days on which really nice things have happened in history. Oh, and they won't be able to be born on the weekend - fewer staff members on weekends. Go figure.

Birth Class

*Snicker*

You know, taking the Refresher Birth Class might have been a waste of time.

It's all natural childbirth, with the breathing and all that. The video shows the smiling happy women going in to labor and delivery - for their first time. No video of second time parents. No video of people whose births didn't go exactly as planned, by the numbers.

Feh.

When I mentioned we were going to have a planned c-section, I thought the instructor was going to try to talk me out of it, but she held her tongue and we all went on from there. As it turns out, this is the very instructor that we had the first time, when learning all about labor and delivery for Caitlin. It's very different now. Well, how we look at the whole thing, as opposed to what is taught. What is taught is the same old, same old.

So much of the instructions don't apply to me or to having twins, it's actually kind of funny. The new facility is nice. Eric may actually get to sleep in a bed this time!

Well, we'll see how it goes.

Close Encounters

Our neighbor dropped by looking for her cat. One of them has a funny habit of sneaking into our garage and then getting stuck there overnight. The other one doesn't. Unfortunately, this time, she was looking for the smarter of the two, so no luck. However, before leaving she told us that she saw a visitor, up in a tree around the corner and would we like to go have a look?

Absolutely, said we three and we grabbed our shoes and huffed (Well, just me, really.) up the hill. There it was. Hanging out, causing a ruckus amongst the smaller birds, pretty as you please.

Click for a larger picture.

A Great Horned Owl. For more information, and sounds, go here.

It was dusk and getting dark, so these pictures are heavily edited to bring up the values. Kind of made me wish I'd had my big flash on there.

Pretty! Reminded Eric and I of the time when we had the gang working on building my raised beds (When I was 8 months pregnant with Caitlin.) and we were buzzed by an owl, flying low over our heads, at dusk, while the moon rose. It was utterly silent as it flew, you could just barely hear the sounds of the feathers ruffling in the wind of its passage. Owls rock! I've also found owl pellets in my lawn, so while I know that they've been around, I've never caught them in the act. Don't know how they feel about the loss of my really big trees, but it's nice to know that they're still in the neighborhood. Maybe this is why my mouse population is as low as it seems to be this year?

By the way, we were watching Planet Earth, the additional present we got Caitlin for her birthday. It is utterly awesome. You should get it/rent it/borrow it. It is beautifully filmed. Of course, we did have to explain about the Circle of Life and how wolves have to eat, too, as well as sharks. Sucks to be prey in a nature film!

Belly Vision

Warning!
This is going to turn into a whine and rant. If you don't want to hear it, check back later when I have something funny to say about kitties or something.

My favorite part of being pregnant is The Belly Show. If I am reclined back, I can watch tiny thumping and kicking. First on one side and then on the other. A ripple here, a stre-e-etch there and a few roll overs for good measure. It's fun to watch. I've also determined that I think all of the skin stretching has made some areas go numb. While watching bellyvision, I notice that I can't feel the little movements that I can see on the left side, while I can feel everything on the right. It's also possible that Logan's placenta is in between him and my belly, which would explain the deadened sensation and my worry last week.

The twins also seem to respond to the kicking of the other, and trade punches. Or maybe they're just playing jumprope. Who knows! It does make me wonder if Emma turned head down so that Logan would stop kicking her in the head.

The rest of the pregnancy stuff? I'm hating it.

Too much? How about disliking it intensely? Finding it abhorrent? Wishing it was over?

I really didn't sign up to be 9 months pregnant for 4 months, you know. For those of you that have been pregnant, you know what I'm talking about! When you reach the ridiculously uncomfortable stage and you just want to get it over with? Yeah. I'm there. I've been there for a few weeks now, except that I know I still have 11 weeks to go. Eleven.

I've also reached the point where I want to bite strangers that coo that they've always wanted to have twins! And how cool that would be! Clearly, these people have either a) never been pregnant or b) can't remember what that last month of pregnancy feels like. It sucks! And you know you just have to hang in there until it's over - you can't get induced at 27 weeks, that would be insane.

Just so you know, I do know that I am very lucky. I am healthy, not on bed rest, not under house arrest (Although it's very like that with this heat!), that the twins are healthy and growing well, etc. etc.

Yes, I know.

Despite all that I am still utterly frustrated and ridiculously uncomfortable. I can't breathe. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't roll over. I can't walk for very far or very long without contracting or getting breathless or both. I can't get much of anything done that I want to do. I can't work. I can't sit upright for too long. I can't lay down for too long, either. I can't concentrate for long stretches of time.

I can pee. A lot. I can sweat. I can contract like mad if I don't drink enough water and walk...oh, anywhere. I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I can wake up with numb arms, too. My feet can swell like mad. I can get heartburn. I can/should drink buckets of water. I can get bigger and bigger and bigger. And I can gestate.

Gestate. Gestate. Gestate.

Humph.

Caitlin Says...

"Did you know that I have x-ray vision?" Caitlin inquires while draped across my rapidly diminishing lap, looking at Eric upside-down.

"You do? How do you know?" I ask, goggle eyed with excitement.

"I can see what the twins are doing." She does have a close up of The Belly.

"What are they doing?"

Casually, "They're playing ball with something loose inside you."

"Maybe jump rope with the umbilical cord?"

"Yeah."

Nursery Work

In case you were wondering, work is currently happening in the nursery. Here's the visual review.

July 1st. Taping begins. There was a prequel, that you didn't see. It involved Eric removing all the staples from the floor, vacuuming and then sealing the floor with Kilz. Kilz smells awful, so I was no where near it. Then the next day, Scott and Sierra showed up to start removing the last few items from the room, the taping, putting on the coat of primer for the yellow and the first coat of blue on the ceiling.

It was hot, so I wasn't very excited about going up and down stairs to take pictures. Trust me, work happened. Time passed and yet more work happened. Eric put a second coat of blue on the ceiling and then re-taped the wall for the 1st yellow coat. This was then followed by a second coat of yellow, re-taping for the green wall and then determining that primer was needed for the green wall to cover up the blue drips from the ceiling and oh, now that you have it patched with primer in spots, you might as well prime the whole thing and then paint it green.

All of this brings us to today which then leads to these pictures. Eric is cutting in the last of the primer where it meets the blue and yellow.
A couple of hours later, the first coat of green is done!
Is that a glorious shade of blue or what?! I can't quite get the green to "pop" on the screen the way it does in person, but trust me, it does. The yellow is a little eyeball searing, isn't it? Oh well. If I truly hate it, I'll repaint it when I'm not longer pregnant. Add 2 years or so for me to care enough....

Remember The Plan?

1. Remove carpeting and pad. Done!
2. Remove staples in floor. Done!
3. Remove baseboards. Done!
4. Vacuum floor. Done!
5. Paint with Kilz to seal in anything...unpleasant. Done!
6. Paint ceiling in fabulous dark blue (Called Deep Space). Done!
7. Begin painting walls. In progress!
8. Add stars, moon, sun, spaceship and rocketship using glow in the dark paint.
9. Apply stencils/stamps.
10. Once the walls are done, remove fan.
11. Install new fan.
12. Install new flooring.
13. Install new baseboards.
14. Pass out from fumes.
15. Install bookcases, crib, rocking chair and sundry other nursery items.
16. Photograph everything for posterity because the room will never be this organized and clean, ever again.
17. Drinks for everyone! Except the Preggosaurus, who will grumble into her lemonade while being uninhibitedly thrilled that the nursery is done and she didn't have to inhale more fumes than necessary.

Tomorrow, Eric will likely put the second coat of green on and then it will be time to touch up the ceiling again (I can see some places where the paint is a little thin) and then get ready for the detail work. Sierra had a cool idea about painting grass onto the yellow wall and then adding in the butterflies and dragonflies, I guess so they aren't just floating around in space. Me? Not nit-picky enough to want to subject my friends to hand painting grass, but if Sierra wants to, then I'm cool with it. So we'll see how that goes.

You'll get to see, too!

First hummingbird sighting!*

Yes, really.

I have no idea where they've been, it's very likely that I have the kind (Rufous?) that goes clear to the arctic to mate and then slides through here on their way out. They may also be timing it for when the agastache and scarlet gilia are in bloom - mid to late summer. It looked very dark colored to me, almost black, but that may have had more to do with being in partial shade. I'll keep an eye out. It just happened, mere moments ago and I was no where near my camera.

Instead, I was in the front yard finally installing my automated drip system into my potted plants and huffing about (Everything causes me to get breathless - Eric dug 3 holes for me, but installing the plants and putting soil around them caused me to get sweaty and breathless and have to lay down for an hour.) when I heard that funny buzzing chirping noise. There it was, under the cherry tree, sipping from scarlet gilia. Clearly I need more of that on the xeric side, since not a lot of hummer plants are currently in bloom yet. The agastaches are about to start, but they aren't there yet. Of course, my having been on the right side, in the xeric section, might have had something to do with its choice of location and plants, but I don't know for certain.

Oh and I can see that I clearly need to revamp more in the backyard - I have very few plants in bloom in the middle section and I need to balance it out. This, of course, will have to wait until I am no longer a Preggosaurus. Possibly next spring. Or next fall. It was at least a year after Caitlin was born that I had to give up on anything related to gardening and attend to her near constantly. Or nap.

Good thing I have automated sprinklers and tough plants! They're going to have to fend for themselves for awhile.

Poor year to try to start a nursery business, though. Ugh. Maybe next year?

Updated to add: Forgot to mention that yesterday, during the beginning of a thunderstorm, I saw the first Lesser Goldfinch of the season. I noticed it when it was hanging onto one of my birdfeeder hangers and I saw it fly over, grab some niger seed and munch away. Eric got a tiny bit of video footage while I ooh'd and ahh'd over it. I also have a handful of black capped chickadees, piles of house and purple finches, blue jays, robins, starlings, mourning doves, blackbirds, sparrows, squirrels, raccoons (they like to tease the cats and steal the birdseed), tiger swallowtail and black swallowtail butterflies and the occasional dragonfly.

* Thanks Janet! Caught in a spelling error! Eek!

Kick me!

Just so you know, regardless of my tales of paranoia, I actually try not to be a nervous mom or a nervous Preggosaurus. Sometimes, though, it comes out and you're going to hear about it here. Otherwise, the majority of what you'd read would consist of things like this:

Everything's OK. Nothing to see here. Butterflies and roses are flying out our butts. Move along!

But no life is always that cheery, so you get to hear about the exciting times. Sometimes the excitement is of the negative sort.

Take, for example, today. (Here it comes!)

I mentioned, just recently, that the twins are kicking up a storm. They had been until this past weekend. Over the weekend, I noticed a drop in the amount of kicking I was getting from Logan. Normally, when Emma starts kicking away, he kicks back but that didn't seem to be happening. I let the first day pass and started paying attention more.

The next day, I deliberately sugared up and then reclined in a chair to see what would happen. Some movement, but none of the dancing that Emma was engaging in. Worry set in.

Then yesterday was the 4th of July (Hey, happy 4th!) and there was some movement, but not a whole lot. So I announced to Eric that today, after the glucose tolerance test (Uh...yum? Bleah!) in the morning, we'd go see the docs and see if they would take a look at me/us. Turns out that it's amazing how a whole different level of fear can put your fear of needles into sudden perspective.

You know, of course, that I put some research time in before going to the doctor so that I might have an inkling of what might be going on. The main thing I ran across was difficulties with the umbilical cord - twisting, cutting off the supply of nutrients and oxygen and actually tying into knots. Ewww! I don't recommend looking that one up - nothing like reading about fetal death with your breakfast. Then off we went. I called the office on our way to the draw and they took me quite seriously and told me to head to the hospital for monitoring that they couldn't do in the office, after the blood draw. Went there, did that and then headed to the hospital wing.

I'm not sure why I felt like such an idiot to tell the nurse about my decreased kicking and fears, but I did. Emma has been fine, I was really only worried about Logan. So I changed into one of their fantastically flattering backless gowns, rolled onto the elevated exam bed and got my stomach good and gooped. They attached two fetal monitors to check the heart rate on each baby and, as it turned out, had to chase those suckers around a bit to home in on the heart rates. They were moving. Logan was moving. This was an excellent sign, but we still needed to capture heart rate information to make sure he wasn't decelerating frequently.

Did I mention that I hadn't eaten for 2 hours before taking the 5 oz of orange flavored glucose solution and by now it was another 2 hours later? Uh, yeah. I was starting to get hungry, but I was more nervous than hungry. I was fully prepared to sit there as long as it took to find out what was going on.

The twins were being tricksy enough that my nurse sent for another with a better rep. Suddenly there were two nurses and much 'splainin' on my part about what was going on. They were very kind and never once indicated that I might be wrong or confused or paranoid. They agreed that I should follow my instincts and get checked out. So there we all were, checking me out and listening to tiny trains as they accelerated and decelerated normally. A couple more hours passed by, the doc came in and assured me that from the data they had collected that everything seemed fine (At one point, when the twins were being extra squirmy, there was discussion of an ultrasound which didn't pan out.) and to not hesitate to call should something seem amiss.

Suddenly, it was all over.

Exhale!

Everything is fine.

Fear and Death

We took Caitlin in for her wellness exam today, where we also talked about the incredibly irritating Sniff, sniff! that she does every 5 seconds and talked about allergies. The doc recommends some sort of nasal spray and says, Ayup. Caitlin has some sort of allergy that is just causing her to sniffle, but not produce any actual phlegm. Oh and that stuff like Claritin needs 3 days continuous dosing to actually be effective. Who knew?

Well, clearly she did.

Then we talked about shots.

I had thought Caitlin was all done with shots until around 11, but apparently I was wrong. Turns out that they're now talking about a Chicken Pox booster (which they are out of, surprise!) and Hep A. Hep A is the food borne version of hepatitis and, I dunno, sounded like a good idea, so we got Caitlin the shot. She will need a follow up version in a year. Oh and it will apparently soon go on the list of required shots for children around age 1 or 2, so squirrel that knowledge away for those of you that do/don't do shots. Yet more shots.

I've gotta tell you, Caitlin is champ at the shot taking (She's so much better than I am and that I ever was as a little kid that I'm always amazed at her courage.). She watched everything and never turned a hair, cried, whined or anything. She was more interested than not. After her 5 year shots, I didn't know how she'd react, but apparently Hep A doesn't sting like the MMR from last year, so she was fine and we all went out for breakfast.

It was after breakfast that the trouble began.

We went into the Giant Hardware Store, in search of a couple of items. Eric was bringing the car around to the far side while Caitlin and I cut through the middle on our way to the giant bag of potting soil I hoped to find. We were 3/4ths of the way there when I happened to look at a toilet lid on display (No, really!) and then turned back and Caitlin was gone.

Gone.

You know that first moment of panic you get when you lose sight of your kid in a public place? That feeling that something just clamped down hard on your chest and you can't breathe? Yeah, I got that. But then the rational side kicked in and said, She's just around the corner, goofball! Stop being so paranoid! So I kicked up my waddle a notch and looked around the corner. No Caitlin.

The squeezing feeling intensified.

Then I started up and down the aisles, calling for her without a response. I couldn't find her anywhere. I was literally on my toes with tension, calling. No response.

I made it to the end of the store, still calling and looking frantic.

No response.

A man casually passed by me and mentioned there was a little girl outside the store. I rush-waddled outside and there she was, pretty as you please, sitting on a picnic bench right outside the store.

I choked out "Don't you ever ever do that again!" and burst into tears and hyperventilated hysterically.

You know, it's really hard to talk when you can't breathe past the hysterical tears and crazed breathing. Eric showed up in 2 minutes and then he continued the Never Walk Away discussion. I don't know if it had any impact on her, but seeing me cry like that did.

I know that we've all been through this, all of us with kids at any rate. That moment of complete and utter panic when you think your child is gone. And that you never saw it happen and you just looked away for a moment. Maybe it's irrational to think that someone would grab my child in a public place and whisk her out of the store, but you try telling me that to my face and I'll likely throttle you. You'll probably mean well, but there's nothing you can tell a parent that will help in that situation. Nothing.

My worst nightmares are about losing Caitlin.

They were really inventive and paranoid nightmares when she was first born and all throughout her first two years. They'd calmed down within the last couple of years, but it doesn't mean that I'm not hyper vigilant about her safety when we're in public. Just because the chances are actually very small of something happening to her doesn't mean that they are the same as zero. So you can think, to yourself, all you want that I'm a paranoid wretch. I'll still be the one freaking out if something happens to her.

Or almost happens to her.

It feels a little like dying. Every time.

From the "What the hell?!" files

If you were saaaaaay 6 years old

and you were trying to put together the game Mousetrap

and you got frustrated and asked your friend's big sister to help you

and she refused

you'd probably feel a little frustrated. Or a lot frustrated.

However.

Chucking a chair at your friend's older sister's head is a bad idea.

It will immediately bring an end to your play date.

Why do you act surprised?

Then, if later on that same day

you decide that you "need" to pinch your other friend's younger sister

this will also bring an immediate end to your play date.

And will lose you the privilege of play dates for the rest of the week.

You're somehow still surprised?

Who's house have you been growing up in that these consequences are a surprise to you?

Where's my damned mojito?