I feel like I'm done. Aren't I done yet?
Why am I not done yet?
You can't even stick a fork in me to test my doneness because of the contractions.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Twenty four days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for the babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It will only get harder after they're born.
I'm at the Decidedly Un-fun portion of the pregnancy and I've gotta tell ya:
I am OVER it!
Unfortunately, it is not done with me yet.
I was asked earlier today something like "Isn't any of this good?", by someone that has never been pregnant. How do you express to someone that has never been there that yeah, there are good parts to being pregnant but that you reach a point where all of the good pales in comparison to all of the continuous bad? I'm not the type to blow unicorns, rainbows and sunshine up your ass - this is the part of the pregnancy that sucks! Movement is good. I like to feel them banging around inside because it reassures the irrational part of my brain that they are still OK.
- Contractions are constant and bad.
- My breastbone feels bruised.
- My stretchmarks are growing and scary looking.
- Sleep is impossible.
- My joints are swollen and ache, all the time.
- I can't breathe.
- Food is necessary but unappealing.
Blah, blah, blah. Whine, whine, whine.
- My health is good (Except for the stuffy headed allergy thing.). Hooray!
- I'm not on bedrest. Hooray!
- The babies are healthy. Hooray!
- My cervix is closed. Hooray!
I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to get this show on the road! I'm ready to not be able to sleep because the babies are crying/nursing rather than because I'm swollen and in pain.
I want the product, not just the process.
The crunchy granola nurse that I had 6 years ago that told me to "Enjoy the process of becoming a mother!" was out of her mind. This is not the process of becoming a mother. This is the process of gestating. Becoming a mother is the part that happens once that baby is in your arms. You don't even have to be the one that gave birth to be a mother (e.g. adoptive, surrogate, etc.). Mothering is all that stuff that comes afterwards - where you put into play all of those thoughts and ideas about how to raise a child. All the tips and tricks of parenthood that you gleaned from watching others, reading books, remembering your own childhood or made up entirely on your own.
That's being a mother.
This is incubation.
And this incubator is tired!