Saturday, October 20, 2007

How to Piss Me Off

In two easy steps.

Don't tell me to "Calm down" when all I'm doing is disagreeing with you. Especially after I've previously told you that I don't like it.

Don't tell me that I'm "Making a scene" when I'm neither raising my voice, gesticulating wildly or even standing up. If you would like, I can show you just what I would look like making a scene. I'm fairly certain that you wouldn't like it, but you would By God know the fucking difference once I was done.

Instead, let us agree to treat one another like business associates: polite and formal. Let us not pretend to unwarranted familiarity. You don't actually know me anymore and I do not know, nor do I wish to know you. Notice how I do not presume to tell you what you like or do not like based on data twenty years out of date.

Failing that, let's just avoid one another because if I have to keep being nice to you for the sake of mutual relatives I'm going to blow a fucking gasket.

5 comments:

Swistle said...

Oh, MAN. I know what you mean.

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Virtual high 5, Swistle!

Red Flashlight said...

Oh, Hatchet. It's sounds sooooo uncomfortable, whatever it is. I personally HATE having to play nice with people who don't have (or have temporarily lost) communication skills.

Scylla said...

Hmmm.... sounds like you need some internal visualization exercises.

Practice with me here.

Focus your eyes just beyond the head of the person annoying the hell out of you. As you listen to them speak, carefully turn their voice into a Charlie Brown "wa wa wa" voice... it doesn't matter what they are saying.
Once you have turned their points into blabber, imagine a giant scythe ripping through the air and chopping off their head.

Try not to smile as their head bounces down the stairs and out the door, as their "wa wa wa" slowly fades away.

Red Flashlight said...

Hee hee . . . brilliant! Scylla always knows just what to say. :)

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