No, really! I am.
I'm not happy every single second of every single day, but then again - no one is. However, I am not miserable for the same length of time. I am, on balance, quite happy.
Right now, Emma is sleeping in her car seat after a few rounds of nursing and sleeping after our return from the doctor's office. Logan is currently sleeping on my chest from his latest round of nursing and sleeping. He's hanging out with me while I snack and read. He's very warm and is much nicer than a scarf on my very exposed chest. I'm wearing a lot of shirts with some serious cleavage action, taking advantage of my Nursing Rack and my constant, urgent need to access said rack for actual Nursing Purposes. He's very sweet and warm and is sleeping with one hand curled under his chin, breathing quickly in that newborn way.
I pet the top of his head with my chin and cheek and drop kisses on his forehead occasionally, waiting to see if he'll smile at me in his sleep. I do the same with Emma, only I aim for her chubby cheeks. I keep wishing I had cameras installed in my eyes since my actual camera is never close at hand at these moments and I don't have long enough arms to hold my SLR far enough away to capture these shots anyway.
I'm still working on getting the hang of tandem nursing, it's something that is really only a viable option during the day, when I'm awake and sitting fully upright. At night, when my eyes are crossed with exhaustion, no dice. However, during the day, I'm not overly worried about how long it takes to nurse them both when they are staggered. Besides, when I try to tandem nurse, one keeps popping off or falling asleep and then I'm still left holding two babies awkwardly, but only one is actually nursing while the other is sleeping with their cheek pressed against my breast.
The other day (and other times more recently), I was holding both twins in my arms at the same time and both were asleep. I looked up at Eric and announced, "I'm happy." and smiled a contented smile.
While twins were a Big Damn Surprise, the reality of them is finally here and you know what? It's not so bad after all! I still feel that funny sense of "How can this be happening? Do we really have twins?!" from time to time. It's still tough, but at times like these I am reassured that we'll survive their infancy and that we're going to have a lot of fun with them as they get older.
In the meantime, I sure would like some more sleep, but I guess I'll just have to wait on that one and instead store up all of the sweet little moments like this one. This is, after all, the last time we'll pass this way again as parents.
Now where did I leave my camera?